Musings from Darlene

I tell my story because....part 2

2009-11-28T14:32:00.000-08:00

So, the conference has only been going a few hours and I am both electrified and challenged by the stories others are sharing. My roommate for the weekend is Carol Bolz- her ex-husband Ray shook up the Christian Music world when he came out last year. We catch up, and I am grieved at how the "christian" world continues to attack him and her also, because she has become an friend to the gay community. Reminds me to pray for them both, all the more.
There are several heterosexual friends who have attended the conference. All are welcome.
We make plans for the evening reflections from survivors of ex-Gay ministries. Once again I share about how it was to be the leader of an exodus ministry and how that has affected me in meeting survivors. I read the apology once again, this time, not making it to the end without a couple of tears. There are so many who are still being harmed, and I want to spare them the journey!
Christine, Anthony, Daniel, all share their stories, and I continue to tell mine. I think it is needful.
We break for a reception, and read the postings on the wall. I am reminded of why this conference is needed. Someone wrote "no more bull dikes!" They couldn't even spell it correctly. Isn't that the truth with most bigotry. It was someone passing by, not a conference attendee.
Then, we have the Transgender Day of Rememberance, and show two film to educate on the victims of hate crimes. They read the names of Trans people who have been murdered this past year. The list is too long! I go to my room and think on how I can make a difference. I just continue to tell my story. More about Saturday at the conference will follow!

I tell my story because.....part 1

2009-11-25T13:43:00.000-08:00

So, this account will come in sections. I just returned from the Anti-heterosexism conference in west palm beach florida. I arrived on Thursday night so I could be there for the pre-conference day of A gathering for "ex-gay" survivors. This of course, is near and dear to my heart. I'll address the conference theme in part 2.
On Friday morning I went down to breakfast, and met two new best frliends...Lisa and Lisa from Florida. I was reminded once more of the importance to speaking to survivors. There are hundreds of folks, who, to done degree or another, have experienced harm from being told they are not quite worthy to be accepted as a child of God, and need to change. I wish I could say that the past 30 years have changed that message, but here it is 2009 and we are still hearing it.
I went to the meeting room, and met with Christine, Jim, Jallen, and a host of new friends with the old story.
We had introductions, then Christine prepared to lead the chalk talk. This is a powerful way to allow expression, some for the first time, of the harm that has been done to individuals, and to our community at large.
Jim, led a separate discussion on ex-gay history and messages that are still going out world wide. I went to that discussion. I was touched by the degree of research that was shared by Jim(Box Turtle Bulletin) and Christine Robinson, PhD from James Madison University. They revealed past and present harmful messages, and I realized that in my time as an ex-gay director of Paraklete Ministries, I had stood along side of so many of those hateful voices. Lou Shelton; and Paul Cameron are just two of those named, who have carried forth a hateful message. At the time, I didn't reallize their harm or my own in delivering the "testamony" of choice and change. I was grateful to once again, have the opportunity to speak forth my truth of deeper understanding of God's grace and affirm my position as a lesbian, and a Christian. Many of the speakers and attendees would not identify with the Christian position, but I realized that my voice at the table, was an important one.
At noon, we had a press conference, and I was honored to be one of the presentors who would share the apology that Former Exodus Leaders, Michael Bussee, and Jeremy Marks and I presented in 2007 in Los Angeles. that Apology is as follows.

As former leaders of ex-gay ministries, we apologize to those individuals and families who believed our message that there is something inherently wrong with being gay,lesbian,bisexual or transgender. Some who heard our message were compelled to try to change an integral part of themselves, bringing harm to themselves and their families. Although we acred in good faith, we have since witnessed the isolation, shame,fear and loss of faith that this message creates. We apologize for our part in the message of broken truth we spoke on behalf of Exodus and other organizations.
We call on other former ex-gay leaders to join the healing and reconciliation process by adding their names to this apology.(Over 100 ministries world wide have been encouraged to sign on with us!)
We encourage current leaders of ex-gay programs to have the courage to evaluate the fruit of their programs. We ask them to consider the long term effects of their ministry.

This time, I made it through without tears, but as I looked around the room there were many who were visibably moved. We heard from others who had gone through Reparative therapy and ex-gay ministries and were harmed spiritually and emotionally from the experlience. This was just 4 hours into a 3 day conference. Men and women came up to share their stories...and as I listened, I realized, this is why i tell my story. It helps others to tell theirs.

Happy Holloween plus other news

2009-10-31T16:27:00.001-07:00

Thought I'd share a picture of the cake that Becky made, with candy corn and frosting on a cake base. It was so good. We were going to share it with others, but you know how that goes! It's been awhile since I've popped into my blog and I guess it's about time.

I'm working on my new book, interviewing older lesbians who will share their stories with me. My working title is "Guardians of the Flame, Older Lesbians share their stories" We're going to southern Calif. for a couple of interviews.

I'm also working on new quilting projects.

Becky and I made a quilt ladder to display our quilts.

Now we can show off 5 at a time! I bolted it to the wall so it is a permanent fixture in our home. She is hard at work on two or three at a time.

The other news, is that I'm going to West Palm Beach Fla for an anti- heterosexism conference that will also address the harm done by reparative therapy and ex-gay messages that have done so much harm. I'm happy to join with Soul Force, and Beyondexgay amongst others, as we reach out once again on a national level. I'll be reporting on it the end of November.

Whoever is out there in space and might read my blog, I hope you are all doing well.

More quilts

2009-08-30T20:32:00.000-07:00

So, I got to thinking that I should make a quilt for my "adopted sister" Teri. She is the woman who was Arlene's boss for 10 years, and Becky and I have officially adopted her. So, this is the quilt I made her last week. I really love this pattern and it goes together quickly.

I had scraps from the flannel back, so I made me a rag-time lap quilt.It is really soft, and my dog, littlebit loves it as much as I do. I never thought of myself enjoying quilting,, but I've discovered a creative side to me besides writing.If you've never made a rag time quilt, you sew the squares together, then clip all the little seams at quarter inch spaces to make it look puffy.

When I make a quilt for someone else, I pray for them as I sew, and I know it's not literal, but I piece together thoughts of comfort, peace, Joy, memories etc. I pray that when they are covered by the quilt, they will be covered by God's love and caring. I think that's why I love these little diversions from writing.

Becky has been making some beautiful memories with material we purchased back east on our month long vacation. She made me one of colorful falling leaves. I am blessed by her creativeness. We have found a cruise that will happen next August to Alaska, that is a quilting cruise. What do you think?

May you have peace, as you piece.

Edward Kennedy Passing

2009-08-26T15:54:00.000-07:00

I can't believe it's been two months since I wrote on my blog! Today's announcment of Ted Kennedy's death inspired me. I met him in 2003.
Des and I had gone to Cape Cod on one of our trips. We visited several places from one end of the road to another. I wanted to stop and see the JFK Musuem. We arrived early afternoon and the woman who greeted us said, "You're in luck. The Senator is here today." I thought she was kidding at first, but we entered a room where Ted was talking to some young scholars. The clerk said he only came there a couple times a year.
I looked at Des, and said, "I'm going to introduce myself and see if he will take a picture with us. He had a couple of body guards with him.
I waited for an opportunity then said, "Hello Senator. I'm not from Massachusetts, but I did work with Bobby's campaign back in the 60's. I wonder if you would take a picture with us."
He was very cordial and said yes! I was surprised that he even had one of his attendants take the photo.
We chatted for a few minutes and Des told him she had Breast Cancer. He told us a close family member was dealing with cancer also. Then the said, "When you get that developed, send me a copy at the Senate and I'll sign it for you!"
A few days later, I did that and received a nice note back from him. He wrote, "If you ever get back to the Cape, let me know and I'll take you sailing. "
I framed the photo and it has been a prized possession for several years. I took delight in showing my Republican friends that I had met a Kennedy...and took pride in being a Democrat!
I was surprised at how friendly he was, and approachable. I'm not famous, or a politian, but I am honored to have that snapshot

Anniversary's

2009-06-01T08:25:00.000-07:00

Ok, so where were you on Nov. 22,l963? (If you were alive then.) How about 9-11-2001? Those are anniversarys that many of us have in common. June 2,2009 is a more personal one for me, and one that I share with a handful of people. It is the 1 year anniversary of my twin sister's death from lung cancer gone wild! The day will pass with most folks not remembering it's importance, even if they do remember that my sister died last year. I've always had an uncanny knack for remembering dates, and numbers. I won't bore you with how much trivia floats through my brain! I worked for AAA for 36 years and still remember most of my agents numbers that identified who they were! Anyway, one of the persons who remembers Arlene's departure is her former boss, Teri. We have adopted her as a sister now, and keep in touch via email. So this is the note I received yesterday:
Hi my Sisters; I am surely thinking of you and hope you're okay. I wanted to share how we are remembering Arlene on the 2nd; we are putting on lipstick and eating ice cream at 8:00am, in her memory. I am not sure you know all the history about that and the significance. Arlene loved ice cream, often between classes we would make an ice cream run and then "hide" hers under something so we could sneak it past the afternoon class kids as we went through the classroom. She said only get her a small chocolate dipped cone-but we always went for bigger and bigger is better with ice cream! We had some funny things happen trying to sneak in a chocolate dipped cone! Secondly, even when Arlene felt crappy, she would put on her make-up and her lipstick. We always admired her for putting on a happy face. So, if you care to join us, 8am is the time. I just wanted you to know how we are planning our day and how very much she is missed.
I have a picture that sits on my desk of Teri;Debbie;Becky and me holding glass bottles. Last year on a visit home to Washington, we got together, wrote good-bye notes and memories of Arlene, sealed them in the bottles, and Teri and her daughter threw them in the ocean along the coast. It was to bring closure-and yet we all still remember.
So tomorrow morning, June 2nd, at 8:AM, we will have an ice-cream cone to celebrate Arlene and the anniversary. If you know me at all, you will know that I'll skip the lipstick! I used to watch Arlene putting on her make up and told her it was a "paint-by-number" process.
You have to be old to remember that, also. So, that's it for this first anniversary!

Prop 8 ruling today.

2009-05-26T08:59:00.000-07:00

Well, in less than an hour, the courts will decide whether our marriage is still legal, and whether other same sex couples will be able to have equal rights! It's a bit scary. It is a human right decision and there are so many lives that will be changed.

Becky and I are just one of 18,000 couples who were legally married, and it is a bit insane that we could be declared divorced by the court. I know if we lose, it will go back to the ballot, but there is so much at stake here. One thing I know, no matter what is decided, our love is sactioned by God and we are married in His sight.

Thoughts on Memorial Day

2009-05-25T09:39:00.000-07:00

I was overwhelmed with "memorial"day thoughts. Not of just the military lives that have been lost over the years defending our freedoms, but of those in my blood line who have passed from this life to the next. I didn't travel to grave sites around the country, I just looked at pictures on my walls, and items acquired from loved ones upon their passing. Everything in my home has a story and a history. I have a Last supper painting from my Aunt Max; a childhood picture from my Aunt Grace, an antique bottle and photo plate from Arlene, A family picture from Star with all his children, a bottle from my mother, a vase from my father that he gave to my mother, a letter from my brother, a stuffed animal from Des, and the list goes on.
I was reminded this morning as I looked around the house that all these memories are crammed into one small brain...because for the most part, no one knows their importance or history besides me! And, it's so true of everyone who reads this blog. There are memories, trinkets and items of great emotional investments known only to you...and to our Creator. I was sitting in my chair with a hot cup of coffee Talking to Jesus about people I miss, and people who are still in my life and I realized He is the one person who knows all the stories and even all the things I've forgotten. I treasure the home where Becky and I share our love, and God's presence, and even tho she thinks I have too many collections, She is so much a part of my walk down memory lane this memorial Day. Some of my most special Turtles are gifts from Becky and I'm blessed that she is a part of my life and can share the memories.
That's all for now.

April showers just bring more rain!

2009-05-02T09:19:00.000-07:00

Cheristy and Goofy are on the left! Becky is on the far left, and Cheristy and I are in the middle of the Birthday photo!

Well, I don't know where the last month went. My neice Cheristy arrived and we celebrated her 12th Birthday! Becky baked her a special cake, and several friends came to help her celebrate! I wanted this to be special, since she has so recently lost her dad, her grandpa, and her grandma(my twin sister) I think it's my nature to try and make the world a better place and create new memories.Now, on to comments about Disneyland!

I have decided that the idea of going to Disneyland is more entertaining than the reality, when you are my age! It was fun, however those rides, and my body were at odds with one another for two days! Cheristy and her mom loved them. I think choosing spring break to go was a bit much.

So, what else am I up to these days? I'm trying to sort out everything I need to do for soon being eligible for medicare! Who would have believed I would still be alive this long? I got new glasses so I can pass my eye test; had my hearing checked and I'm good there. Found out I have Arthritis in my back, as well as my knees and shoulders, and for all my complaining, I really do have a fracture in my tailbone! (I've fallen several times in the past two years) But the good news is that I'm in great shape for the shape I'm in! God has really blessed us with good friends, and a pretty healthy attitude about life. I'm working on a new quilt for my neice Deanna, and the next post will show the results. Hope everyone is looking forward to those May flowers!

A family Visit & Disneyland

2009-03-18T15:55:00.000-07:00

Today is a good day. My great niece, Cheristy, is coming from Washington on her Spring break. She will turn 12 years old while she is here, and Becky and I will go with her and her mother to Disneyland. Cheristy, for the first time, and we are returning after many previous visits. I am excited and happy to share some happiness with her after so many losses this past year or so. It's funny how Disneyland can be such a catalyst for happy memories. I know Arlene would be happy to know we are making good memories for our family.
I will know a lot more about her after a 7 hour, three day trip to the Southland. I'm excited about that aspect of a family visit. I'm sure I'll have pictures with Mickey Mouse to add to this post upon our return.
Thank you Lord for special times to celebrate!

The loss of my brother

2009-03-03T22:10:00.000-08:00

He was born November 20,l942. He was my big brother. We have been estranged for more than six years, due to issues we never reconcilled. In earlier years, we shared a childhood, the same last name, and a history of abuse and neglect from my father. Yet, Jerry was there when Dad died in 74. He called me with the news. He was there in 88 when my mother died. I called him with the news. I performed his 3rd marriage. I kept in touch with all his children, who are now all adults. We had some good memories. Jerry loved Christmas- mostly because we never had happy ones as children. Jerry loved the marine corps and had a tatoo of USMC on his forearm
Jerry loved uniforms and spent time not only in the military, but in the police force.
I feel I lost my brother many years ago due to choices both of us made that drove a wedge into the childhood dedication we had for one another. I just found out today in March, that Jerry died in December. He was 66 years old. My twin died at 63 last June, and the loss of my brother in the same year leaves me with confusing emotions. I will try to let the bad memories slip away and think about some of the good times we had along the way. I didn't agree with his actions, but he was my brother, and I write this this memorial to Jerry Albert Bogle-passed on 12-22-08. I hope he was able to celebrate Christmas early!

It's February Again

2009-02-09T12:47:00.000-08:00

Where does the year go? February is such a hard month, and those who know me know all the memories compressed into such a short month. Well, This year, we're making new memories. We have a new baby in our lives. Jordan Beck-Clark. He's not quite a month old. He is the adoptive son of Kim Clark and Luane Beck, our filmmaker friends. We were able to go meet him last weekend and I made my first Baby quilt for him! Grandma Becky is holding Jordan. He got a rocky start in life being born addicted to drugs, bur we are praying that his systen will clean out and there will be no long term damage. I've had several great neices and nephews born with drug addictions, and I know that God does work miracles. If you are reading this for the first time, please say a prayer for Jordan and that his two mommies will not run into any snags as they foster him with the intent of adoption.

New Year~New Beginnings

2009-01-28T09:54:00.000-08:00

I am quilting again.

Completed the Purple one last week, Just started the Antique one this week. 2009 was going to be a year of creatitivity for me, and it clears my brain to work on a new project. So many emotional things happened last year and I'm still dealing with it all.

So, This year is well under way. We have a new President; new economic stresses; new opportunities to be who we are and stand up and speak out!

We have friends who just received a new baby to care for, and hopefully adopt! Their life is filled with new Beginnings.

I have started writing a new book, which will be a coupld of years in the making. I will have new opportunities to Listen to the stories of others. I think that is my lesson this year, to listen more.

I received a phone call this morning and an Aunt passed away. My aunt Grace was my mom's last living siser. That era is passing away and new beginnings are happening for my cousins. So, it has occured to me, that every day is a new beginning and while my nature is one that likes to know what is happening before it happens...this year is a book of blank pages, to be filled in by the living.

I pray that your days are filled with Peace, Happiness, and Expectations of greater things. I will try to be more faithful on adding my thoughts this year. Peace

Remembering Christmas Past

2008-12-08T17:57:00.000-08:00

Music plays in the background. "It's the most wonderful time of the year..."Well, not exactly. Christmas has always been, for me one of those happy-sad times of the year. In 2008, it's no different. I am reflecting back on the last 63 Christmas celebrations

If you have been following my blog, you know that my Twin sister, Arlene, passed away in June. This is my first Christmas without her. In her will, along with other things she left me, she said, "To my sister Darlene, I leave 63 years of memories." So, this is part of her gift to me...memories good and bad. I want to share a few of the good ones with you.

As children, on our very first Christmas, an Aunt,gave us matching ornaments. Well, almost matching. If you look closely, you will see a rattle shaped red man, and the blue one on the upper right side of Arlene's picture. Mine was the blue one. Every year at Christmas, these were the first ornaments on the tree. We weren't allowed to play with them, but to me, the tree wasn't complete until both the blue man and the red man were hung on the limbs.

When I was in college, mom gave me the blue man, and I began my own tradition of hanging it on my tree each year. Arlene got her red man and needless to say, it became a treasure to display, as it was the one thing that was as old as we were.

This year, after Arlene died, my other sister, Debbie was sorting through things to go into the yard sale, or be passed along to Arlene's granddaughter, Cheristy. There in the middle of lights, and paper ornaments, was the Red man. Of course, Debbie knew the history behind the ornaments. When she came to California in September, she brought Arlene's ornaments and gave it to me. This week, as I began to pull out lights, and ornaments from past years, I found my blue man. Once again both are hanging on my tree, a reminder of those early years, and my sister. Thanks mom, for making sure we kept them safe year after year, so they could be part of my 63 years of memories!

So, other memories from Childhood Christmas Time. We always seemed to be sick with colds, and mom would put a pan of water on top of the wood stove in the dining room, and fill it with Vicks Vapo Rub. She would put a sheet over our heads like a tent, and we would stand there and breathe the fumes. The radio would be playing Christmas songs from local DJ's. Yes, this was the days before television!!! I remember hard striped Christmas Candy, which I couldn't find this year...A story book box of lifesavers- butterscotch is still my favorite! and then, decorating the tree with mom. When we were really young, the tinsel got thrown in bunches up on the limbs. I was never patient enough to do one strand at a time! This was back in the 40's...and the economy was repressed, much like 2008. Money was hard to come by, but we each got one toy and one clothing item. There was a good will group called the sunshine kids, who would bring us a surprise item, and that was pretty much our Christmas. We always had snow and sometimes extra money could be earned by cleaning walkways for neighbors. As I grew older, it wasn't what I received, but what I could share with others, even if it's just 63 years of memories. Where ever you are, and who ever you are, my prayer is that you cherish the Christ of Christmas and the family times you have, even if it remembered by a special ornament! Merry Christmas to each and every reader! Thanks Mom...thanks Arlene, thanks Debbie. I'll keep the little guys on the tree for as long as I'm alive!

Vermont Trip

2008-11-20T17:31:00.000-08:00

November 20, 2008

A month ago I was still on my East Coast trip that started in Boston and ended in Nashville. The memories of the fall colors will long be a part of happy place!

I was looking at this shot, taken at Stonehedge New Hampsire. I immediately thought of a poem I learned in English Lit so many years ago. It's by Robert Frost-called Mending wall. A couple of the lines, are "Something there is that doesn't love a wall,That sends the frozen ground swell under it, and spills the upper boulders in the sun..Before I build a wall I'd like to know what I was walling in or walling out, and to whom I was like to give offense..Something there is that doesn't love a wall.." We had to analyze that poem and I concluded that it is LOVE that doesn't love a wall. (I found Robert Frosts Grave in Bennington Vermont, which really was a highlight for me.)

Back to walls. We all have them, sometimes to protect ourselves emotionally, sometimes to keep people out...or in. It's hard to always know which. We think we are open to others, but one harsh word can still hurt us.

I saw this at the recent Proposition rallys. There could be a thousand signs of support, and one sign of condemnation. We remember the one sign.

What saddens me is the people who have lived so long behind walls that in their isolation they are incapable of touching or being touched by the love of God. Isolation seems to do that. You think you are protected, but to be fully alive and human, walls need to come down. Love is the only thing I know that can melt the years of hardness and allow life to be lived fully.

I make a conscious choice daily to not let walls be built inside my heart. When violence and angry words are spoken, it is not a commentary on me but upon the speaker. I'm a daughter of the most high God, fully accepted and loved by Him. My prayer is that walls will come down and healing will take place. Peace.

San Jose Rally for Equality

2008-11-15T12:17:00.000-08:00

Saturday 11-15-2008, Becky and I stood with several thousand Gay,LesbianTransgendered,heteorsexual families, people of Faith, and some with no faith at all, holding signs and cheering, (2-4-6-8, we will not give in to hate!) I stood with many interfaith clergy, wearing my rainbow stoll to declare that I will not let my faith be hijacked by the religious right and those who declare they speak for God. We speak for God too, and declare that God loves everyone, and excludes no one! This photo says a lot! It shows our back side. I am the one wearing the American Flag behind the poster, next to me is Rev.Nate Miller, then Rev.Dawn Peters all from SJFCC/a UCC congregration. Rev. Margo is on the right side. This was in the San Jose Mercury news!

In the days since Proposition 8 passed by 3% of the vote, We have attended meetings, and spoken out about the unconstitutional process where a majority took away civil rights of a minority without a 2/3 vote; where our constitution was voted on to deny a segment of society their rights by changing a few words; where heterosexism was declared valid and where our marriage is now in jeopardy! Of course, they say because we married prior to the vote, we are still legal, but there are those who want to remove that right also!

My anger is tempered by the knowledge that a vote cannot change who I am, A Christian and a Lesbian and fully accepted by our Creator God! While I am still legal, many same sex partners cannot marry, and if one person is denied Civil rights then no one is free! Domestic Partnerships are not "same but equal" as opponents have said. I will not be refused a place at the counter or move to the back of the bus and keep silent. This change to our constitution is wrong and mean spirited, and must be opposed.Those who claim to follow a God of love need to consider if they are loving like their Father in Heaven! The last words have not been spoken, the last vote has not been taken, and my prayer is that my heart will not give in to the anger against my Christian community . I am encouraged by those heterosexuals who have stood up to say, You are not alone. Thank You, Thank You, Thank you

Our Family Matters Conference

2008-10-28T15:53:00.000-07:00

Becky and I have just returned from the 4 day conference in Nashville. It was an event that I will long remember. Second Presbeterian, Holy Trinity UCC; Vanderbilt Univ; GLAAD; and Tennessee Equality were just some of the sponsers of this event. PFLAG was also represented. I joined with Peterson Toscano, Christine Bakke; Kim Clark; Ray Boltz (singer) and dozens of others to share our stories of being Christian and Gay, and reaching out to families not only in Nashville, but around the country! This was at the end of a three week trip to the East Coast to view the fall coloring, and I will talk about that in a later post.
What is important for me to share is that while one voice declaring God's love and acceptance for all of His children might be lost in the www world, all of our voices together will be heard well into the future!
Ray Boltz gave an awesome concert, his first return to Nashville since "coming out" in the Washington Blade a month ago. So many well meaning Christians have sought to crucify him for his honest declaration of his sexual orientation and his faith, however I was blessed by his spirit of truth. I met his ex-wife Carol, and was so blessed by her support for Ray, and for all of us who name the name of Christ and declare our sexual orientation as GLBT! I realized once again how important it is to have straight allies!

I wish you all could have been there, but I hope you will all join me in praying that the influcence will continue to save lives and plant seeds of hope.
Peace.~~~Darlene

Our Wedding

2008-09-29T15:39:00.000-07:00

Our wedding is now part of the historic statistics of California Same sex marriages. September 27,2008 at First Congreg. Church in San Jose! We created a cake tier and put lemon scented votive candles with purple ribbons to decorate the layers. On top, was a lemon meringue pie which we shared. Yes, we had more for our guests!

The flowers were sent by our sister, Debbie and her husband Quin from Washington. She couldn't be there, but knew our colors and wanted to help make our day. It did!

The wedding was performed by our pastor, Rev.Dawn Peters of SJ FCC. Music was an Irish whistle played by Shauna McFadden from Long Beach; and Becky's nephew Andy walked us down the aisle! What a joy. Kim Clark, producer of the God and Gays Documentary was there to Vidio our event. We stood on the rainbow quilt that I completed last year, and I spoke about our friends being like the quilt pieces of many colors.

We were blest with friends from near and far (Naomi Harvey attended from Washington State)

She is the woman whose story I wrote earlier this year. Our wedding came together as does our life, shared by those who love us, and some who still do not understand why we wanted to Marry. I am thrilled to say it was the best day of our lives, so far.

Please vote NO on proposition 8-that we and others will not have our happiness taken away.

Peace

New Life

2008-09-15T14:58:00.000-07:00

Becky's nephew and his wife welcomed their first son into the world this week. I had hoped Ben would arrive on my birthday, but God had a better idea. He is perfect, and as his great Aunts, we will spoil him at every opportunity.

Andy and Mary will make wonderful parents, and their love will create a caring home for Ben to thrive.

How do I know? Andy and Mary have been very open and accepting of Becky and me as a lesbian couple. They have shown us love and support in our upcoming wedding, and that is the home into which this new little life has been born!

New life. New beginnings. Change and challenges. That's what we are blessed with each and every day. As we continue to look forward to our legal wedding later this month, I whisper a prayer that new life will be breathed into the faith community, into the gay community and into the lives that make up every family. So many folks have indicated support for us, but said they don't believe in Same Sex Marriage-because of their faith. How can you support us and want to take away equality for all? Ben's arrival is a reminder that there is hope, there is new life to celebrate, in so many ways! Welcome to our world Ben...there's love to go around!

The Birthday conspiricy

2008-09-09T18:36:00.000-07:00

This is my birthday week. It is the first Birthday without my twin sister, and I am still grieving her untimely death from lung cancer. My partner Becky, ever kind and concerned as she is, conspired with my sister Debbie, who also lives in Washinton. Debbie flew down this past weekend to help me celebrate, and make some sister memories of our own. Becky had her sister, Susan and her husband Ken, drive to the Airport and pick Debbie up, all without my knowing a thing! I was sitting in my recliner Friday night and the front door opened and Debbie walked in!

It's not too often that I am speechless, but my brain couldn't comprehend how she got here, and where her husband was, and how she got here from the airport! Becky just stood there grinning.

We had a wonderful weekend, touring San Francisco and having a wondeful meal at the House of Prime rib. Becky had planned it all without my knowledge! Is it any wonder that I'm getting ready to marry her at the end of the month? She's a keeper.

This is my 64th year. Yep, I still tell my age. I've outlived my father, my mother and my twin...however I carry all those whom I have loved, deep within my heart. My sister Debbie will never know how much it meant to have her walk through that door...Well, perhaps she will if she reads my blog.

This is a conspiricy I can live with!

Peace to all who share my journey.

Planning a Wedding

2008-08-21T20:28:00.000-07:00

Next month, on September 27th, Becky and I will become part of History. We will be legally married at our Church, SJFCC. People ask why we do it, when we've already had a committment ceremony To us, it makes a statement, not just for us, but for our community that we can be equal with all other married couples. (almost). The Federal Benefits are still denied us, but for the state, it is legal!

It seems strange to spend months planning an event that will take less than half an hour! We will have friends and family there to take part, and to witness our marriage, and I can't help but wonder how it will feel to legally be a "spouse"not just a partner. Or if it will feel any different at all.

On November 4th, 2008, the state will vote on whether to terminate our marriage by Prop.8. Folks think it is just about Gay marriage, but it's really a question of Marriage equality for everyone. I have faith in the people of California to Vote No on this bill to take away our rights. At my age, I want to enjoy all the rights we can.

It makes me sad that my family can't be here. Arlene was at the ceremony I had a few years back, and Debbie was at our ceremony in Hawaii...but This is a real marriage! I will have a birthday in two weeks, the first time in 64 years that Arlene and I won't celebrate together. That makes me sad. And, it will be the 1 year anniversary of the passing of Arlene's oldest boy, Star. On the other hand, My sister Debbie will celebrate over 30 years of marriage--to the same man even:)

So, a lot of milestones. I pray that our wedding will be just one of many!

Contact from an Exodus leader

2008-08-07T09:39:00.000-07:00

This week I received an email from an Exodus leader I haven't heard from in almost 15 years. At first, I was just surprised, then I started really looking at his message. It read: Darlene, I'm glad I ran across your blog. I still miss you. I am sorry to hear that your lover died of breast-cancer. Darlene is God sending you a message? Please consider coming back to Exodus. You are loved and missed. Why would God call you back to lesbianism, give you a lover and then take her away. I'm sorry that you are going through this. My heart is breaking right now but I believe that you belong to the Lord and "He chastizes the one's that he loves". I believe He is calling you back. If you want to talk I am here to listen. Please call me if you want to talk. May God Bless You, Anthony Falzarano

Anthony was the founder of Parents and Friends of Ex-Gays and has been active in Exodus for many years. When I first left Exodus in the early 90's...Anthony called to share his concern and assure me of his prayers for my return to the fold. He never called again.
I don't want to sound harsh, or judgmental of his recent contact, but I need to respond in this blog! I want to thank Anthony for reminding me WHY I left Exodus leadership and ministry.
1. He misses me but hasn't reached out in 15 years
2.I accept that he is sorry to hear about the loss of my partner due to breast cancer(over 3 years have passed since that event.)
3. Is God sending me a message? First hint of judgment.
4Please consider coming back to Exodus.- He obviously is not aware of my apology for that involvement, or how deeply I have been impacted by seeing the great harm done to individuals and families through this message.
5. You are loved and missed.---Somehow I've missed that message from Exodus leaders
6.Then...Why would God call you back to Lesbianism, give you a lover and take her away??
I think this is the line that hit me right between the eyes. Far too many Christians beleive that God will punish you if you don't toe the mark! To assume that bad things don't happen to God's people is to have an unhealthy view of the Christian life. God didn't give Des breast cancer, and take her away because of our committed 12 years relationship. I reject that Judgment.
7. He beleives that I am the Lord's-and that God is correcting me because He loves me. That concept is Biblical, however I reject the context of illness being a result of preceived sin! AND, I DO AGREE THAT I AM THE LORDS WORKMANSHIP. HE IS MY SAVIOR, AND CREATED ME JUST AS I AM.
8.He beleives that God is calling me back. To where? To What? I haven't left, and I am still active in ministry..so this is a bit presumptious.
9.Anthony then says he is there to listen. Hummm..He has his mind made up that I'm living a sinful lifestyle, has judged me; tried to place guilt and shame on me to conform me to the accepted behavior...How can he Hear my heart when there are so many hinderences?
10. So, I remembered when I had all the answers and thought I was listening when I directed an ex-gay group. I told them how to pray and change their orientation so God would accept them completly.(Or was it so the church would accept them?)Anyway..This email has given me the chance to say one more time. I'm sorry for the harm I caused by that message of conditional love. Please forgive me. Darlene

Moving Foreward

2008-07-26T10:20:00.000-07:00

My life is moving foreward after my twin sister's death. It didn't ask permission, it just faces each new day with information that causes me to interact with people, make decisions and plans that are my future. Part of me wans to live in the past memories before death separated us. I can't do that, so moving forward happens by default.

I can't help but notice that my friends are in the same "mode". One friend whose relationship has ended, is devistated. She doesn't want to "move forward", she wants the love pledged to continue growing deeper. But when one party moves on, the other must move forward.

On a happier note, a nephew and niece are expecting their first child. They are moving forward into the role of parents. We rejoice and celebrate with them. Moving forward always brings new challenges and experiences, and hopefully the grace to grow stronger and more loving to those in our world.

In September, Becky and I are moving forward in our relationship. We are getting legally married because California has now afforded us that opportunity. We are happy with this foreward thinking, and join several of our long time friends in this new step of exciting events for our future!

We are looking forward to a trip back to the east coast; involvement in the new God and Gays Conference, "our family matters", and engaging others with forward thinking. Stay tuned.

Things that give me hope

2008-06-30T09:55:00.000-07:00

This past month has been a blur. It's hard to drive when you are crying. I flew to Washington to facillitate the memorial service for my sister, Arlene. I have a growing respect and love for my other sister, Debbie. She and her husband are a huge part of my life, and sometimes I forget to tell them how much I love them. Debbie and I put together the service for Arlene. We held it in the bar where Arlene was known and loved. Where love is, God is...and I'm more convinced than ever that Arlene is with Him. I was encouraged by all the folks who really loved her, and I'm learning not to be so judgmental on the lives of others. Hummm...I think I know a lot of folks who could benefit from that insight.

I flew home to California, and Becky and I left for So. Calif to do an action with Soulforce at the Saddleback church with Rick Warren. We were not well received, and our words fell upon the ears of men and women who were already convinced that they have the correct viewpoint. I continue to pray that the impact of American Family Outing will change hearts..if not minds about accepting all God's Children as Equal.

We came back home, and now I'm preparing for the Evangelicals Concerned Conference in Tacoma Washington. I'm teaching a workshop in Healing from the ex-gay theology which has damaged so many lives. Hopefully, my story can show that there is a place of Oneness in the Spirit, even if we don't agree on every point.

I have found that getting to know Arlene's friends, who would not identify as Christian, have helped me to expand my awarness of God's grace...and that gives me hope that those of us who Claim the Name of Jesus will seek unity, with all of our differences.

I'm still in the grieving stage..but I'll be ok. And so will you who might read these words.
Peace.

A Time to Mourn

2008-06-03T17:39:00.000-07:00

June 3rd, 2008. My twin sister Arlene, passed away last night. We had just spent 2 weeks together when I was up in Washington with the God and Gays screening. She had been sick and in a lot of pain, but the doctor kept telling her take more motrin. It didn't work. In just over two weeks, she was in the hospital pretty much on life support, and still in pain. They think it was cancer, but it was really fast. I couldn't get up there to spend time with her, although we knew it was really bad. Arlene's friend Teri, who had been her boss for over 10 years, went to see her on Monday night. She sat by her bed talking with her, Arlene unable to really communicate. Teri decided at that moment to call me and ask if I wanted her to put the phone by Arlene's ear so I could say good-bye. What a special gift. My partner Becky and I both talked with her, giving her assurances that she would be out of pain soon and see Mom, Des and her son Star who passed away in September. We prayed that she would allow God's peace and love to fill her heart and carry her across the separation of this earth to that one. Teri got on the phone and said Arlene was nodding and that she seemed to relax and close her eyes. She tried to talk but only moans came out. Our time to mourn...Arlene's time to rejoice. Grieving sucks!