New Life

Becky's nephew and his wife welcomed their first son into the world this week. I had hoped Ben would arrive on my birthday, but God had a better idea. He is perfect, and as his great Aunts, we will spoil him at every opportunity.

Andy and Mary will make wonderful parents, and their love will create a caring home for Ben to thrive.

How do I know? Andy and Mary have been very open and accepting of Becky and me as a lesbian couple. They have shown us love and support in our upcoming wedding, and that is the home into which this new little life has been born!

New life. New beginnings. Change and challenges. That's what we are blessed with each and every day. As we continue to look forward to our legal wedding later this month, I whisper a prayer that new life will be breathed into the faith community, into the gay community and into the lives that make up every family. So many folks have indicated support for us, but said they don't believe in Same Sex Marriage-because of their faith. How can you support us and want to take away equality for all? Ben's arrival is a reminder that there is hope, there is new life to celebrate, in so many ways! Welcome to our world Ben...there's love to go around!

The Birthday conspiricy

This is my birthday week. It is the first Birthday without my twin sister, and I am still grieving her untimely death from lung cancer. My partner Becky, ever kind and concerned as she is, conspired with my sister Debbie, who also lives in Washinton. Debbie flew down this past weekend to help me celebrate, and make some sister memories of our own. Becky had her sister, Susan and her husband Ken, drive to the Airport and pick Debbie up, all without my knowing a thing! I was sitting in my recliner Friday night and the front door opened and Debbie walked in!

It's not too often that I am speechless, but my brain couldn't comprehend how she got here, and where her husband was, and how she got here from the airport! Becky just stood there grinning.

We had a wonderful weekend, touring San Francisco and having a wondeful meal at the House of Prime rib. Becky had planned it all without my knowledge! Is it any wonder that I'm getting ready to marry her at the end of the month? She's a keeper.

This is my 64th year. Yep, I still tell my age. I've outlived my father, my mother and my twin...however I carry all those whom I have loved, deep within my heart. My sister Debbie will never know how much it meant to have her walk through that door...Well, perhaps she will if she reads my blog.

This is a conspiricy I can live with!

Peace to all who share my journey.

Planning a Wedding

Next month, on September 27th, Becky and I will become part of History. We will be legally married at our Church, SJFCC. People ask why we do it, when we've already had a committment ceremony To us, it makes a statement, not just for us, but for our community that we can be equal with all other married couples. (almost). The Federal Benefits are still denied us, but for the state, it is legal!

It seems strange to spend months planning an event that will take less than half an hour! We will have friends and family there to take part, and to witness our marriage, and I can't help but wonder how it will feel to legally be a "spouse"not just a partner. Or if it will feel any different at all.

On November 4th, 2008, the state will vote on whether to terminate our marriage by Prop.8. Folks think it is just about Gay marriage, but it's really a question of Marriage equality for everyone. I have faith in the people of California to Vote No on this bill to take away our rights. At my age, I want to enjoy all the rights we can.

It makes me sad that my family can't be here. Arlene was at the ceremony I had a few years back, and Debbie was at our ceremony in Hawaii...but This is a real marriage! I will have a birthday in two weeks, the first time in 64 years that Arlene and I won't celebrate together. That makes me sad. And, it will be the 1 year anniversary of the passing of Arlene's oldest boy, Star. On the other hand, My sister Debbie will celebrate over 30 years of marriage--to the same man even:)

So, a lot of milestones. I pray that our wedding will be just one of many!

Contact from an Exodus leader

This week I received an email from an Exodus leader I haven't heard from in almost 15 years. At first, I was just surprised, then I started really looking at his message. It read: Darlene, I'm glad I ran across your blog. I still miss you. I am sorry to hear that your lover died of breast-cancer. Darlene is God sending you a message? Please consider coming back to Exodus. You are loved and missed. Why would God call you back to lesbianism, give you a lover and then take her away. I'm sorry that you are going through this. My heart is breaking right now but I believe that you belong to the Lord and "He chastizes the one's that he loves". I believe He is calling you back. If you want to talk I am here to listen. Please call me if you want to talk. May God Bless You, Anthony Falzarano

Anthony was the founder of Parents and Friends of Ex-Gays and has been active in Exodus for many years. When I first left Exodus in the early 90's...Anthony called to share his concern and assure me of his prayers for my return to the fold. He never called again.
I don't want to sound harsh, or judgmental of his recent contact, but I need to respond in this blog! I want to thank Anthony for reminding me WHY I left Exodus leadership and ministry.
1. He misses me but hasn't reached out in 15 years
2.I accept that he is sorry to hear about the loss of my partner due to breast cancer(over 3 years have passed since that event.)
3. Is God sending me a message? First hint of judgment.
4Please consider coming back to Exodus.- He obviously is not aware of my apology for that involvement, or how deeply I have been impacted by seeing the great harm done to individuals and families through this message.
5. You are loved and missed.---Somehow I've missed that message from Exodus leaders
6.Then...Why would God call you back to Lesbianism, give you a lover and take her away??
I think this is the line that hit me right between the eyes. Far too many Christians beleive that God will punish you if you don't toe the mark! To assume that bad things don't happen to God's people is to have an unhealthy view of the Christian life. God didn't give Des breast cancer, and take her away because of our committed 12 years relationship. I reject that Judgment.
7. He beleives that I am the Lord's-and that God is correcting me because He loves me. That concept is Biblical, however I reject the context of illness being a result of preceived sin! AND, I DO AGREE THAT I AM THE LORDS WORKMANSHIP. HE IS MY SAVIOR, AND CREATED ME JUST AS I AM.
8.He beleives that God is calling me back. To where? To What? I haven't left, and I am still active in ministry..so this is a bit presumptious.
9.Anthony then says he is there to listen. Hummm..He has his mind made up that I'm living a sinful lifestyle, has judged me; tried to place guilt and shame on me to conform me to the accepted behavior...How can he Hear my heart when there are so many hinderences?
10. So, I remembered when I had all the answers and thought I was listening when I directed an ex-gay group. I told them how to pray and change their orientation so God would accept them completly.(Or was it so the church would accept them?)Anyway..This email has given me the chance to say one more time. I'm sorry for the harm I caused by that message of conditional love. Please forgive me. Darlene

Moving Foreward

My life is moving foreward after my twin sister's death. It didn't ask permission, it just faces each new day with information that causes me to interact with people, make decisions and plans that are my future. Part of me wans to live in the past memories before death separated us. I can't do that, so moving forward happens by default.

I can't help but notice that my friends are in the same "mode". One friend whose relationship has ended, is devistated. She doesn't want to "move forward", she wants the love pledged to continue growing deeper. But when one party moves on, the other must move forward.

On a happier note, a nephew and niece are expecting their first child. They are moving forward into the role of parents. We rejoice and celebrate with them. Moving forward always brings new challenges and experiences, and hopefully the grace to grow stronger and more loving to those in our world.

In September, Becky and I are moving forward in our relationship. We are getting legally married because California has now afforded us that opportunity. We are happy with this foreward thinking, and join several of our long time friends in this new step of exciting events for our future!

We are looking forward to a trip back to the east coast; involvement in the new God and Gays Conference, "our family matters", and engaging others with forward thinking. Stay tuned.

Things that give me hope

This past month has been a blur. It's hard to drive when you are crying. I flew to Washington to facillitate the memorial service for my sister, Arlene. I have a growing respect and love for my other sister, Debbie. She and her husband are a huge part of my life, and sometimes I forget to tell them how much I love them. Debbie and I put together the service for Arlene. We held it in the bar where Arlene was known and loved. Where love is, God is...and I'm more convinced than ever that Arlene is with Him. I was encouraged by all the folks who really loved her, and I'm learning not to be so judgmental on the lives of others. Hummm...I think I know a lot of folks who could benefit from that insight.

I flew home to California, and Becky and I left for So. Calif to do an action with Soulforce at the Saddleback church with Rick Warren. We were not well received, and our words fell upon the ears of men and women who were already convinced that they have the correct viewpoint. I continue to pray that the impact of American Family Outing will change hearts..if not minds about accepting all God's Children as Equal.

We came back home, and now I'm preparing for the Evangelicals Concerned Conference in Tacoma Washington. I'm teaching a workshop in Healing from the ex-gay theology which has damaged so many lives. Hopefully, my story can show that there is a place of Oneness in the Spirit, even if we don't agree on every point.

I have found that getting to know Arlene's friends, who would not identify as Christian, have helped me to expand my awarness of God's grace...and that gives me hope that those of us who Claim the Name of Jesus will seek unity, with all of our differences.

I'm still in the grieving stage..but I'll be ok. And so will you who might read these words.
Peace.

A Time to Mourn

June 3rd, 2008. My twin sister Arlene, passed away last night. We had just spent 2 weeks together when I was up in Washington with the God and Gays screening. She had been sick and in a lot of pain, but the doctor kept telling her take more motrin. It didn't work. In just over two weeks, she was in the hospital pretty much on life support, and still in pain. They think it was cancer, but it was really fast. I couldn't get up there to spend time with her, although we knew it was really bad. Arlene's friend Teri, who had been her boss for over 10 years, went to see her on Monday night. She sat by her bed talking with her, Arlene unable to really communicate. Teri decided at that moment to call me and ask if I wanted her to put the phone by Arlene's ear so I could say good-bye. What a special gift. My partner Becky and I both talked with her, giving her assurances that she would be out of pain soon and see Mom, Des and her son Star who passed away in September. We prayed that she would allow God's peace and love to fill her heart and carry her across the separation of this earth to that one. Teri got on the phone and said Arlene was nodding and that she seemed to relax and close her eyes. She tried to talk but only moans came out. Our time to mourn...Arlene's time to rejoice. Grieving sucks!