Our Family Matters Conference

Becky and I have just returned from the 4 day conference in Nashville. It was an event that I will long remember. Second Presbeterian, Holy Trinity UCC; Vanderbilt Univ; GLAAD; and Tennessee Equality were just some of the sponsers of this event. PFLAG was also represented. I joined with Peterson Toscano, Christine Bakke; Kim Clark; Ray Boltz (singer) and dozens of others to share our stories of being Christian and Gay, and reaching out to families not only in Nashville, but around the country! This was at the end of a three week trip to the East Coast to view the fall coloring, and I will talk about that in a later post.
What is important for me to share is that while one voice declaring God's love and acceptance for all of His children might be lost in the www world, all of our voices together will be heard well into the future!
Ray Boltz gave an awesome concert, his first return to Nashville since "coming out" in the Washington Blade a month ago. So many well meaning Christians have sought to crucify him for his honest declaration of his sexual orientation and his faith, however I was blessed by his spirit of truth. I met his ex-wife Carol, and was so blessed by her support for Ray, and for all of us who name the name of Christ and declare our sexual orientation as GLBT! I realized once again how important it is to have straight allies!

I wish you all could have been there, but I hope you will all join me in praying that the influcence will continue to save lives and plant seeds of hope.
Peace.~~~Darlene

Our Wedding

Our wedding is now part of the historic statistics of California Same sex marriages. September 27,2008 at First Congreg. Church in San Jose! We created a cake tier and put lemon scented votive candles with purple ribbons to decorate the layers. On top, was a lemon meringue pie which we shared. Yes, we had more for our guests!

The flowers were sent by our sister, Debbie and her husband Quin from Washington. She couldn't be there, but knew our colors and wanted to help make our day. It did!

The wedding was performed by our pastor, Rev.Dawn Peters of SJ FCC. Music was an Irish whistle played by Shauna McFadden from Long Beach; and Becky's nephew Andy walked us down the aisle! What a joy. Kim Clark, producer of the God and Gays Documentary was there to Vidio our event. We stood on the rainbow quilt that I completed last year, and I spoke about our friends being like the quilt pieces of many colors.

We were blest with friends from near and far (Naomi Harvey attended from Washington State)

She is the woman whose story I wrote earlier this year. Our wedding came together as does our life, shared by those who love us, and some who still do not understand why we wanted to Marry. I am thrilled to say it was the best day of our lives, so far.

Please vote NO on proposition 8-that we and others will not have our happiness taken away.

Peace

New Life

Becky's nephew and his wife welcomed their first son into the world this week. I had hoped Ben would arrive on my birthday, but God had a better idea. He is perfect, and as his great Aunts, we will spoil him at every opportunity.

Andy and Mary will make wonderful parents, and their love will create a caring home for Ben to thrive.

How do I know? Andy and Mary have been very open and accepting of Becky and me as a lesbian couple. They have shown us love and support in our upcoming wedding, and that is the home into which this new little life has been born!

New life. New beginnings. Change and challenges. That's what we are blessed with each and every day. As we continue to look forward to our legal wedding later this month, I whisper a prayer that new life will be breathed into the faith community, into the gay community and into the lives that make up every family. So many folks have indicated support for us, but said they don't believe in Same Sex Marriage-because of their faith. How can you support us and want to take away equality for all? Ben's arrival is a reminder that there is hope, there is new life to celebrate, in so many ways! Welcome to our world Ben...there's love to go around!

The Birthday conspiricy

This is my birthday week. It is the first Birthday without my twin sister, and I am still grieving her untimely death from lung cancer. My partner Becky, ever kind and concerned as she is, conspired with my sister Debbie, who also lives in Washinton. Debbie flew down this past weekend to help me celebrate, and make some sister memories of our own. Becky had her sister, Susan and her husband Ken, drive to the Airport and pick Debbie up, all without my knowing a thing! I was sitting in my recliner Friday night and the front door opened and Debbie walked in!

It's not too often that I am speechless, but my brain couldn't comprehend how she got here, and where her husband was, and how she got here from the airport! Becky just stood there grinning.

We had a wonderful weekend, touring San Francisco and having a wondeful meal at the House of Prime rib. Becky had planned it all without my knowledge! Is it any wonder that I'm getting ready to marry her at the end of the month? She's a keeper.

This is my 64th year. Yep, I still tell my age. I've outlived my father, my mother and my twin...however I carry all those whom I have loved, deep within my heart. My sister Debbie will never know how much it meant to have her walk through that door...Well, perhaps she will if she reads my blog.

This is a conspiricy I can live with!

Peace to all who share my journey.

Planning a Wedding

Next month, on September 27th, Becky and I will become part of History. We will be legally married at our Church, SJFCC. People ask why we do it, when we've already had a committment ceremony To us, it makes a statement, not just for us, but for our community that we can be equal with all other married couples. (almost). The Federal Benefits are still denied us, but for the state, it is legal!

It seems strange to spend months planning an event that will take less than half an hour! We will have friends and family there to take part, and to witness our marriage, and I can't help but wonder how it will feel to legally be a "spouse"not just a partner. Or if it will feel any different at all.

On November 4th, 2008, the state will vote on whether to terminate our marriage by Prop.8. Folks think it is just about Gay marriage, but it's really a question of Marriage equality for everyone. I have faith in the people of California to Vote No on this bill to take away our rights. At my age, I want to enjoy all the rights we can.

It makes me sad that my family can't be here. Arlene was at the ceremony I had a few years back, and Debbie was at our ceremony in Hawaii...but This is a real marriage! I will have a birthday in two weeks, the first time in 64 years that Arlene and I won't celebrate together. That makes me sad. And, it will be the 1 year anniversary of the passing of Arlene's oldest boy, Star. On the other hand, My sister Debbie will celebrate over 30 years of marriage--to the same man even:)

So, a lot of milestones. I pray that our wedding will be just one of many!

Contact from an Exodus leader

This week I received an email from an Exodus leader I haven't heard from in almost 15 years. At first, I was just surprised, then I started really looking at his message. It read: Darlene, I'm glad I ran across your blog. I still miss you. I am sorry to hear that your lover died of breast-cancer. Darlene is God sending you a message? Please consider coming back to Exodus. You are loved and missed. Why would God call you back to lesbianism, give you a lover and then take her away. I'm sorry that you are going through this. My heart is breaking right now but I believe that you belong to the Lord and "He chastizes the one's that he loves". I believe He is calling you back. If you want to talk I am here to listen. Please call me if you want to talk. May God Bless You, Anthony Falzarano

Anthony was the founder of Parents and Friends of Ex-Gays and has been active in Exodus for many years. When I first left Exodus in the early 90's...Anthony called to share his concern and assure me of his prayers for my return to the fold. He never called again.
I don't want to sound harsh, or judgmental of his recent contact, but I need to respond in this blog! I want to thank Anthony for reminding me WHY I left Exodus leadership and ministry.
1. He misses me but hasn't reached out in 15 years
2.I accept that he is sorry to hear about the loss of my partner due to breast cancer(over 3 years have passed since that event.)
3. Is God sending me a message? First hint of judgment.
4Please consider coming back to Exodus.- He obviously is not aware of my apology for that involvement, or how deeply I have been impacted by seeing the great harm done to individuals and families through this message.
5. You are loved and missed.---Somehow I've missed that message from Exodus leaders
6.Then...Why would God call you back to Lesbianism, give you a lover and take her away??
I think this is the line that hit me right between the eyes. Far too many Christians beleive that God will punish you if you don't toe the mark! To assume that bad things don't happen to God's people is to have an unhealthy view of the Christian life. God didn't give Des breast cancer, and take her away because of our committed 12 years relationship. I reject that Judgment.
7. He beleives that I am the Lord's-and that God is correcting me because He loves me. That concept is Biblical, however I reject the context of illness being a result of preceived sin! AND, I DO AGREE THAT I AM THE LORDS WORKMANSHIP. HE IS MY SAVIOR, AND CREATED ME JUST AS I AM.
8.He beleives that God is calling me back. To where? To What? I haven't left, and I am still active in ministry..so this is a bit presumptious.
9.Anthony then says he is there to listen. Hummm..He has his mind made up that I'm living a sinful lifestyle, has judged me; tried to place guilt and shame on me to conform me to the accepted behavior...How can he Hear my heart when there are so many hinderences?
10. So, I remembered when I had all the answers and thought I was listening when I directed an ex-gay group. I told them how to pray and change their orientation so God would accept them completly.(Or was it so the church would accept them?)Anyway..This email has given me the chance to say one more time. I'm sorry for the harm I caused by that message of conditional love. Please forgive me. Darlene

Moving Foreward

My life is moving foreward after my twin sister's death. It didn't ask permission, it just faces each new day with information that causes me to interact with people, make decisions and plans that are my future. Part of me wans to live in the past memories before death separated us. I can't do that, so moving forward happens by default.

I can't help but notice that my friends are in the same "mode". One friend whose relationship has ended, is devistated. She doesn't want to "move forward", she wants the love pledged to continue growing deeper. But when one party moves on, the other must move forward.

On a happier note, a nephew and niece are expecting their first child. They are moving forward into the role of parents. We rejoice and celebrate with them. Moving forward always brings new challenges and experiences, and hopefully the grace to grow stronger and more loving to those in our world.

In September, Becky and I are moving forward in our relationship. We are getting legally married because California has now afforded us that opportunity. We are happy with this foreward thinking, and join several of our long time friends in this new step of exciting events for our future!

We are looking forward to a trip back to the east coast; involvement in the new God and Gays Conference, "our family matters", and engaging others with forward thinking. Stay tuned.