Full Moon walk on the Labyrinth

November 17th 2013. The chilly night air made me glad I had worn my heavy coat. Darkness was creeping across the sky and the full moon not quite visable. The scene had been set for us...small candles placed at every turn of the Labyrinth path, with a larger candle burning in the center of the rose in the middle. Each person there for a different pilgrimage of heart and soul.
       We were ushered onto the path with a small chime and a prayer from our guide. I expressed my intent of this particular journey...to have understanding of how to embrace and comprehend the health journey of a special loved one. Every day I live with my own fears and conflicts about things I have no control over, but don't seem to be able to let go. Looking for peace.

   It wasn't quite dark as I began my contemplative walk...I followed the lights to know where to turn. There were some places where I couldn't see the path at all, and walked in the shadows. At one point another traveler whispered, "Go straight ahead". Slowly...for darkness makes me hesitant..placing one foot in front of the other. A moment of panic later on the trip to the center...had I changed paths unintentionally?

I looked up and saw a full moon peeking through the trees.  I was aware of music softly playing in the distance. With each step, I intentionally said, I release this to you God...my fear, my love, My unknown future, my tears, my anger, my joy.  I release it by an act of my will. Please fill my heart with peace

At last I was at the center, surrounded by light and others on their journey...and silence. I stood with open hands, lifted up to receive.

I began the journey back...soon I was totally lost of my path, but not hemmed in. There are no walls on a Labyrinth...I stepped to the edge, then out of the pathway. Had I missed it. Was I cheating myself of a completed journey?  No, this is my path for now. There will be other walks, other meditations..and for now, this is where I am.

Learning peace.

An empty grave/

I'm not speaking of Jesus on resurrection day. This is a much more current story. Picture with me a cemetery setting in a hilly, wooded rural area. A fresh grave site is open, awaiting the ashes of a loved one. A time of 1P.M. had been set for the private service for Robert Eli Harvey, 34 years old.


Robert is the youngest, adoptive son of Rev. Naomi Harvey. He was the 3rd generation of "Harvey" folks on Grays Harbor, Washington State. The cemetery is Fern Hill, the resting place of Robert's grandparents, and two brothers, Roberto and Davido., who died in a house fire many years ago The full story is told in Naomi's book, "A Miracle Woman-The Naomi Harvey Story" available on Amazon.com by Darlene Bogle.

Robert had long ago expressed the desire to be laid to rest in the family plot, and arrangements had been made several years earlier. Now, there would be no RIP for him, and no time to grieve his loss.

Robert Eli Harvey

No urn to place in the open grave, because the remains were stolen.


Yes, 15 minutes before that service, Robert’s wife of 5 months, Shannon Wildner Tiedemann, and Mae Hamilton, the sister in law of Robert’s brother Izzy ran up to the mortuary and grabbed the ashes then left the area. Naomi arrived to be told that Robert was gone, and that Shannon had them.

The fact that she was Robert’s wife, did not entitle her to the ashes, because she had signed them over to the cemetery to be buried. If she was entitled, she could have just gone and picked them up.

So, why is it important to tell this story? Robert’s siblings, Rosa,Juan,Miguel,Manuel,Victor, along with Darlene Bernard and Rocky Liester, and Mike,Dan and Dennis Kennedy had part of their history stolen also

I tried to have this printed in the Local newspaper, however, even tho I could prove what was done, their policy is not to print pieces where people are called out for actions like this. Say What? I thought we had freedom of the press and freedom of speech. Not in Aberdeen.

So, the big question is why did this happen? Why were the actions of Robert’s biological family so cruel and despicable? It is all tied up in their mis-understanding of homosexuality. They are all convinced it is a choice we make, and that we are going to hell for being gay! Naomi Harvey is a minister of the Lord Jesus Christ, preaching to straight and gay, transgendered and every person that crosses her path. She shares the good news that God loves them, just as they are, without exception. She lives that love in how she treats others.

So how could these people be so cruel and deprive her of a last opportunity to honor Robert’s desire to be laid to rest in the family plot? They told me he would not be buried in a grave owned by a lesbian! So they stole his ashes…and we do not know where they have taken him.

Naomi will not have the ashes to bury, but she has 35 years of memories, and the knowledge that when he knew his life was ending, he came home to mama.

My prayer is that the evil deeds and vicious comments made by Shannon and May Hamilton, will come back to rest upon their heads. Amen! May it be so.

A message to the person who commented on this posting with vile hatred. You said if I really knew Naomi I would not be defending her. The opposite is true. It is because I know her heart, and the heart of the Father that I stand by her. It sounds like you have a heart filled with unforgiveness and condemnation. I pray you will find healing and peace. God has forgiven her, as He has each of us, and we will all meet in Heaven someday.

When God seems absent

Life could be so much easier to understand if God was visible and sitting down in the living room with me for a long chat. I could ask the tough questions, like why do people hurt one another; why does there have to be war and why do children die. Would He tell me? I wonder.

When adversity knocks on the door. . . and it will . . . why does God seem absent from my circumstances? It is easy to think that because I am a Christian, I should be insulated from this roller coaster ride of life filled with persecution; rejection or poor treatment from others. After all, we act like we are the priviliged ones here in the USA.

I have tried to treat others with compassion and do the right thing in my relationships. Why should I be subject to these inconveniences?

My faith in God should be strong enough to find the silver lining in any negative circumstance. Shouldn't it?

Is my faith limited to the blessings part of life?

Where is God when families lose their jobs, homes or health? When life dumps sorrow upon sorrow . . . does God even care? Have you wondered about this even a little?

I recently counseled a women who feels like God had abandoned her in a time of crisis and after all she had done to serve Him was a cosmic joke. He is totally absent...so she felt on that day. She asks and doesn't receive. She prays to a God who ignores her...or does He?

She asked me to pray . . . because I at least think someone is listening. She was looking for a new place to live; closer to work, within her budget and open to her dog. The search had not resulted in any remote possibilities. So, I not only talked to God . . . but He talked to me. Told me the town she should look in for a place, and to give it 2 days. I told her what I heard . . . and she scoffed. God doesn't talk back. Really?

Well, two days later, she had a place in that town, all requirements met . . .and she didn't know how I knew that would happen. I listened.

I don't always listen that well, but this time I did. She has a renewed faith because God finally heard someone's prayer. But what about when it seems like He's just not interested?

I think about Job who lost his home; land; family and friends. The friends he had left told him to curse God and die! With friends like that, who need them?

Things didn't turn around over night, but eventually everything was restored. All the followers of Christ lost their lives when they refused to deny him. I wonder . . . would I lose heart if everything went wrong?

There are examples every day of bad things happening to good people and adversity knocking on the door. So what do we do?

1. 
   
   
   
   
   
   
   Stop . . . breathe. Breath and Spirit are the same word and it is spirit that connects us to one another. That's why we care about injustice and pain.







2. Be Thankful. Remember the things that have worked out in the past. Pray for others.







3. 
   
   
   
   
   
   
   If you can't change it, release it to God. Praise God for all the things He has done in the past, and Remember them during the hard times.
   
   You can see the hand of God in your life and the lives of others regardless of circumstances. There are prayers being lifted all around the world, by all kinds of faith followers . . . and God is listening. So, until we meet Him face to face to ask those hard questions . . . Listen and encourage one another. This too, will pass.

Eagle Christians

Earlier this month, I attended a conference called Accs West 2011. It is Allies of Christian Churches and we met at Mt.Cross in the Santa Cruz mountains. Mostly it is Christian Gay Pentecostal folks from Calif/Ore and Washington. Our theme this year is Isaiah 40:31. "They that wait on the Lord, shall renew their strength..." So what did I learn? We have been set aside for God's purpose and timing. Like the eagle we must wait for the right air currents to help us soar on our journey. Eagles can go 10,000 feet high, yet see a mouse in the field two miles below and swoop down to get a meal. I talked about "waiting" and how do we do that...With patience, hope, expectation, impatience...etc. You fill in the blank. Sometime we want to do anything but wait for God's timing...but it will always be productive when we wait in prayer for God's wind beneath our wings. I also talked about renewing our strength like the eagle...and how after about 60 years an eagle will go off by itself and use it's talons to pull out the old feathers on it's head and back. It will be bloodied by the task, but their strength is then renewed for the next 60 years...It's a needed part of their existance. Anyone need help pulling your feathers? We talked about mounting up with wings like eagles...the strength they have...and how all of our paper money has an eagle image. (I took an offering at that point) Many countries have the eagle as their symbol and there is much diversity in God's eagle creation...just as there is much diversity in God's family of Christian followers! We had a signing choir from Chapel of Peace in Onterio Ca. and if you want to be inspired, you should have seen the signs for eagle strength...What a blessing. Apostle Brenda Evans was our keynoter...Naomi Harvey was there to sing and share her wisdom, pastor Mary Mac and pastor Roi from So.Calif and of course, yours truely. For three days we worshiped God, and had great fellowship! My friend Kathy Baldock came from reno and met these very special people in my world! My partner, Becky, made some little nests out of coconut and roasted them...put some chocolate eggs in there...and we all enjoyed the image of tasting and beholding that God is Good! Wish you all could have been there.

What would you do? Just wondering

Well, I've started spending Thursday afternoons at my church to volunteer in the office. You never know who will come in, or what call will be next. Last week, just before quitting time, a woman came into the office asking to talk with a pastor. I'm the only one here, so I tell her while I'm not THE pastor, I am a minister, and how can I help? She tells me she and her husband are in town because her sister just passed away from Breast Cancer. She left a 9 year old son. They have been helping get the home ready to sell. Her husband has been doing the heavy work. He has developed blisters on his hands. He has type 2 diabetes and now has a blood poisoning and is too sick to drive to their home in the centeral valley. They filled their gas tank, but he can't drive and she is unable to drive because of an accident that left her injured. WoW. I said, "I'm happy to pray with you, but our church doesn't have any provision to assist in any monitary way. She said they needed to get a motel and her husband needed to get some medicine on his hands. I offered $20.00 of my own money, but that won't get them a room I listened to her story. I went on the internet to check local motels...nothing there that could help her. What could I do? Her husband came into the office and I could see he was in a bad way, and that his hands were indeed blistered. So, if you were in my place, what would you do? The need is genuine...and urgent. Dinner is waiting for me at home...No time to ask what would Jesus do. I'm here listening on His behalf. So...what would you do??? I decided to have them follow me to the nearest Motel 6 and went in and paid for 1 nights lodging for them. I told them it was in Jesus Name I was ministering to their need and when they got back home, they could send me a check when they got the money. I gave them my card. I drove home feeling pretty good that I had rescued someone...and wondered what Becky would say to my generosity. She supported my decision and I have decided that even if I never get a check from them, I still did what I needed to do. What would you do?

Why I still speak out for equality

I'm kind of a minister with a virtual pulpit. My words don't go out just on a Sunday morning, but things I have written through the years are still being read, and touching lives. I wanted to share a recent email, that affirms to me why I still do what I do...and that I want to keep speaking out in print and in person.

Hi Darlene,I am not even sure if this will ever reach you....but I need to write to you....About 12 years ago I read your book 'Long road to love' . Although it was out of print, I had managed to find a copy on Amazon and clung to what I believed was a light- if other people could go straight, so could I. I read other books as well- unfortunately in South Africa access to that type of literature is not that easy, so I imported a lot. My struggle never ceased though- I contacted Exodus International, who advised me to stay accountable to other Christians so I tried the accountable thing for a while- I had a friend like the one you wrote about in the book- she stuck with me through thick and thin but I always felt like I was swimming up stream.I remember about 6 years ago trying to google you- I wanted to know if you were still living according to the book I had read- cos I had stopped believing it was possible. 6 years ago, my google search for you returned no results. I have had long battle in my life with my sexuality-3 serious suicide attempts (according to doctors I shouldn't be alive),a complete erosion of my faith and much heart ache has echoed throughout my life and 4 years ago, when I woke from a coma in ICU after a 3rd failed attempt to end my life, I gave up the struggle and I chose to stop battling and accepted myself as a gay woman. I lost my best friend and lost my faith in the process- but I found myself and that was the best thing ever. I am free from the self hatred and the guilt that plagued me. A lot of my wounds and past choas have totally healed and I am now in the process of writing a book about my journey. I am in a place at the moment where I am trying to heal a very broken relationship with my maker. My heart is still very hard towards Christians and I am very sceptical when it comes to God- but without Him,I am not entirely complete The sceptic in me though needs to be brave enough to reach out through the place that is spiritually broken.So another phase of my journey has begun - this time very different from the one I followed years ago seeking freedom from my sin. This time I come as I am and he can either spit me out or hold me close.As I am preparing to write my book, I opened the box from the past that contains my journals, my prayers, your book and other books I read during the years I tried to go straight. Tonight I randomly googled your name again and stumbled upon your site and read your public apology and cried. You had an impact on my life back then- you had an impact on it again tonight. Thank you.Regards CarolSouth Africa

I tell my story because.....part 1

So, this account will come in sections. I just returned from the Anti-heterosexism conference in west palm beach florida. I arrived on Thursday night so I could be there for the pre-conference day of A gathering for "ex-gay" survivors. This of course, is near and dear to my heart. I'll address the conference theme in part 2.
On Friday morning I went down to breakfast, and met two new best frliends...Lisa and Lisa from Florida. I was reminded once more of the importance to speaking to survivors. There are hundreds of folks, who, to done degree or another, have experienced harm from being told they are not quite worthy to be accepted as a child of God, and need to change. I wish I could say that the past 30 years have changed that message, but here it is 2009 and we are still hearing it.
I went to the meeting room, and met with Christine, Jim, Jallen, and a host of new friends with the old story.
We had introductions, then Christine prepared to lead the chalk talk. This is a powerful way to allow expression, some for the first time, of the harm that has been done to individuals, and to our community at large.
Jim, led a separate discussion on ex-gay history and messages that are still going out world wide. I went to that discussion. I was touched by the degree of research that was shared by Jim(Box Turtle Bulletin) and Christine Robinson, PhD from James Madison University. They revealed past and present harmful messages, and I realized that in my time as an ex-gay director of Paraklete Ministries, I had stood along side of so many of those hateful voices. Lou Shelton; and Paul Cameron are just two of those named, who have carried forth a hateful message. At the time, I didn't reallize their harm or my own in delivering the "testamony" of choice and change. I was grateful to once again, have the opportunity to speak forth my truth of deeper understanding of God's grace and affirm my position as a lesbian, and a Christian. Many of the speakers and attendees would not identify with the Christian position, but I realized that my voice at the table, was an important one.
At noon, we had a press conference, and I was honored to be one of the presentors who would share the apology that Former Exodus Leaders, Michael Bussee, and Jeremy Marks and I presented in 2007 in Los Angeles. that Apology is as follows.

As former leaders of ex-gay ministries, we apologize to those individuals and families who believed our message that there is something inherently wrong with being gay,lesbian,bisexual or transgender. Some who heard our message were compelled to try to change an integral part of themselves, bringing harm to themselves and their families. Although we acred in good faith, we have since witnessed the isolation, shame,fear and loss of faith that this message creates. We apologize for our part in the message of broken truth we spoke on behalf of Exodus and other organizations.
We call on other former ex-gay leaders to join the healing and reconciliation process by adding their names to this apology.(Over 100 ministries world wide have been encouraged to sign on with us!)
We encourage current leaders of ex-gay programs to have the courage to evaluate the fruit of their programs. We ask them to consider the long term effects of their ministry.

This time, I made it through without tears, but as I looked around the room there were many who were visibably moved. We heard from others who had gone through Reparative therapy and ex-gay ministries and were harmed spiritually and emotionally from the experlience. This was just 4 hours into a 3 day conference. Men and women came up to share their stories...and as I listened, I realized, this is why i tell my story. It helps others to tell theirs.