So, the conference has only been going a few hours and I am both electrified and challenged by the stories others are sharing. My roommate for the weekend is Carol Bolz- her ex-husband Ray shook up the Christian Music world when he came out last year. We catch up, and I am grieved at how the "christian" world continues to attack him and her also, because she has become an friend to the gay community. Reminds me to pray for them both, all the more.
There are several heterosexual friends who have attended the conference. All are welcome.
We make plans for the evening reflections from survivors of ex-Gay ministries. Once again I share about how it was to be the leader of an exodus ministry and how that has affected me in meeting survivors. I read the apology once again, this time, not making it to the end without a couple of tears. There are so many who are still being harmed, and I want to spare them the journey!
Christine, Anthony, Daniel, all share their stories, and I continue to tell mine. I think it is needful.
We break for a reception, and read the postings on the wall. I am reminded of why this conference is needed. Someone wrote "no more bull dikes!" They couldn't even spell it correctly. Isn't that the truth with most bigotry. It was someone passing by, not a conference attendee.
Then, we have the Transgender Day of Rememberance, and show two film to educate on the victims of hate crimes. They read the names of Trans people who have been murdered this past year. The list is too long! I go to my room and think on how I can make a difference. I just continue to tell my story. More about Saturday at the conference will follow!
Saturday, November 28, 2009
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
I tell my story because.....part 1
So, this account will come in sections. I just returned from the Anti-heterosexism conference in west palm beach florida. I arrived on Thursday night so I could be there for the pre-conference day of A gathering for "ex-gay" survivors. This of course, is near and dear to my heart. I'll address the conference theme in part 2.
On Friday morning I went down to breakfast, and met two new best frliends...Lisa and Lisa from Florida. I was reminded once more of the importance to speaking to survivors. There are hundreds of folks, who, to done degree or another, have experienced harm from being told they are not quite worthy to be accepted as a child of God, and need to change. I wish I could say that the past 30 years have changed that message, but here it is 2009 and we are still hearing it.
I went to the meeting room, and met with Christine, Jim, Jallen, and a host of new friends with the old story.
We had introductions, then Christine prepared to lead the chalk talk. This is a powerful way to allow expression, some for the first time, of the harm that has been done to individuals, and to our community at large.
Jim, led a separate discussion on ex-gay history and messages that are still going out world wide. I went to that discussion. I was touched by the degree of research that was shared by Jim(Box Turtle Bulletin) and Christine Robinson, PhD from James Madison University. They revealed past and present harmful messages, and I realized that in my time as an ex-gay director of Paraklete Ministries, I had stood along side of so many of those hateful voices. Lou Shelton; and Paul Cameron are just two of those named, who have carried forth a hateful message. At the time, I didn't reallize their harm or my own in delivering the "testamony" of choice and change. I was grateful to once again, have the opportunity to speak forth my truth of deeper understanding of God's grace and affirm my position as a lesbian, and a Christian. Many of the speakers and attendees would not identify with the Christian position, but I realized that my voice at the table, was an important one.
At noon, we had a press conference, and I was honored to be one of the presentors who would share the apology that Former Exodus Leaders, Michael Bussee, and Jeremy Marks and I presented in 2007 in Los Angeles. that Apology is as follows.
As former leaders of ex-gay ministries, we apologize to those individuals and families who believed our message that there is something inherently wrong with being gay,lesbian,bisexual or transgender. Some who heard our message were compelled to try to change an integral part of themselves, bringing harm to themselves and their families. Although we acred in good faith, we have since witnessed the isolation, shame,fear and loss of faith that this message creates. We apologize for our part in the message of broken truth we spoke on behalf of Exodus and other organizations.
We call on other former ex-gay leaders to join the healing and reconciliation process by adding their names to this apology.(Over 100 ministries world wide have been encouraged to sign on with us!)
We encourage current leaders of ex-gay programs to have the courage to evaluate the fruit of their programs. We ask them to consider the long term effects of their ministry.
This time, I made it through without tears, but as I looked around the room there were many who were visibably moved. We heard from others who had gone through Reparative therapy and ex-gay ministries and were harmed spiritually and emotionally from the experlience. This was just 4 hours into a 3 day conference. Men and women came up to share their stories...and as I listened, I realized, this is why i tell my story. It helps others to tell theirs.
On Friday morning I went down to breakfast, and met two new best frliends...Lisa and Lisa from Florida. I was reminded once more of the importance to speaking to survivors. There are hundreds of folks, who, to done degree or another, have experienced harm from being told they are not quite worthy to be accepted as a child of God, and need to change. I wish I could say that the past 30 years have changed that message, but here it is 2009 and we are still hearing it.
I went to the meeting room, and met with Christine, Jim, Jallen, and a host of new friends with the old story.
We had introductions, then Christine prepared to lead the chalk talk. This is a powerful way to allow expression, some for the first time, of the harm that has been done to individuals, and to our community at large.
Jim, led a separate discussion on ex-gay history and messages that are still going out world wide. I went to that discussion. I was touched by the degree of research that was shared by Jim(Box Turtle Bulletin) and Christine Robinson, PhD from James Madison University. They revealed past and present harmful messages, and I realized that in my time as an ex-gay director of Paraklete Ministries, I had stood along side of so many of those hateful voices. Lou Shelton; and Paul Cameron are just two of those named, who have carried forth a hateful message. At the time, I didn't reallize their harm or my own in delivering the "testamony" of choice and change. I was grateful to once again, have the opportunity to speak forth my truth of deeper understanding of God's grace and affirm my position as a lesbian, and a Christian. Many of the speakers and attendees would not identify with the Christian position, but I realized that my voice at the table, was an important one.
At noon, we had a press conference, and I was honored to be one of the presentors who would share the apology that Former Exodus Leaders, Michael Bussee, and Jeremy Marks and I presented in 2007 in Los Angeles. that Apology is as follows.
As former leaders of ex-gay ministries, we apologize to those individuals and families who believed our message that there is something inherently wrong with being gay,lesbian,bisexual or transgender. Some who heard our message were compelled to try to change an integral part of themselves, bringing harm to themselves and their families. Although we acred in good faith, we have since witnessed the isolation, shame,fear and loss of faith that this message creates. We apologize for our part in the message of broken truth we spoke on behalf of Exodus and other organizations.
We call on other former ex-gay leaders to join the healing and reconciliation process by adding their names to this apology.(Over 100 ministries world wide have been encouraged to sign on with us!)
We encourage current leaders of ex-gay programs to have the courage to evaluate the fruit of their programs. We ask them to consider the long term effects of their ministry.
This time, I made it through without tears, but as I looked around the room there were many who were visibably moved. We heard from others who had gone through Reparative therapy and ex-gay ministries and were harmed spiritually and emotionally from the experlience. This was just 4 hours into a 3 day conference. Men and women came up to share their stories...and as I listened, I realized, this is why i tell my story. It helps others to tell theirs.
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Happy Holloween plus other news
Thought I'd share a picture of the cake that Becky made, with candy corn and frosting on a cake base. It was so good. We were going to share it with others, but you know how that goes! It's been awhile since I've popped into my blog and I guess it's about time.
I'm working on my new book, interviewing older lesbians who will share their stories with me. My working title is "Guardians of the Flame, Older Lesbians share their stories" We're going to southern Calif. for a couple of interviews.
I'm also working on new quilting projects.
Becky and I made a quilt ladder to display our quilts.
Now we can show off 5 at a time! I bolted it to the wall so it is a permanent fixture in our home. She is hard at work on two or three at a time.
The other news, is that I'm going to West Palm Beach Fla for an anti- heterosexism conference that will also address the harm done by reparative therapy and ex-gay messages that have done so much harm. I'm happy to join with Soul Force, and Beyondexgay amongst others, as we reach out once again on a national level. I'll be reporting on it the end of November.
Whoever is out there in space and might read my blog, I hope you are all doing well.
Sunday, August 30, 2009
More quilts
So, I got to thinking that I should make a quilt for my "adopted sister" Teri. She is the woman who was Arlene's boss for 10 years, and Becky and I have officially adopted her. So, this is the quilt I made her last week. I really love this pattern and it goes together quickly.
I had scraps from the flannel back, so I made me a rag-time lap quilt.
It is really soft, and my dog, littlebit loves it as much as I do. I never thought of myself enjoying quilting,, but I've discovered a creative side to me besides writing.If you've never made a rag time quilt, you sew the squares together, then clip all the little seams at quarter inch spaces to make it look puffy.
It is really soft, and my dog, littlebit loves it as much as I do. I never thought of myself enjoying quilting,, but I've discovered a creative side to me besides writing.If you've never made a rag time quilt, you sew the squares together, then clip all the little seams at quarter inch spaces to make it look puffy.When I make a quilt for someone else, I pray for them as I sew, and I know it's not literal, but I piece together thoughts of comfort, peace, Joy, memories etc. I pray that when they are covered by the quilt, they will be covered by God's love and caring. I think that's why I love these little diversions from writing.
Becky has been making some beautiful memories with material we purchased back east on our month long vacation. She made me one of colorful falling leaves. I am blessed by her creativeness. We have found a cruise that will happen next August to Alaska, that is a quilting cruise. What do you think?
May you have peace, as you piece.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Edward Kennedy Passing
I can't believe it's been two months since I wrote on my blog! Today's announcment of Ted Kennedy's death inspired me. I met him in 2003.
Des and I had gone to Cape Cod on one of our trips. We visited several places from one end of the road to another. I wanted to stop and see the JFK Musuem. We arrived early afternoon and the woman who greeted us said, "You're in luck. The Senator is here today." I thought she was kidding at first, but we entered a room where Ted was talking to some young scholars. The clerk said he only came there a couple times a year.
I looked at Des, and said, "I'm going to introduce myself and see if he will take a picture with us. He had a couple of body guards with him.
I waited for an opportunity then said, "Hello Senator. I'm not from Massachusetts, but I did work with Bobby's campaign back in the 60's. I wonder if you would take a picture with us."
He was very cordial and said yes! I was surprised that he even had one of his attendants take the photo.
We chatted for a few minutes and Des told him she had Breast Cancer. He told us a close family member was dealing with cancer also. Then the said, "When you get that developed, send me a copy at the Senate and I'll sign it for you!"
A few days later, I did that and received a nice note back from him. He wrote, "If you ever get back to the Cape, let me know and I'll take you sailing. "
I framed the photo and it has been a prized possession for several years. I took delight in showing my Republican friends that I had met a Kennedy...and took pride in being a Democrat!
I was surprised at how friendly he was, and approachable. I'm not famous, or a politian, but I am honored to have that snapshot
Des and I had gone to Cape Cod on one of our trips. We visited several places from one end of the road to another. I wanted to stop and see the JFK Musuem. We arrived early afternoon and the woman who greeted us said, "You're in luck. The Senator is here today." I thought she was kidding at first, but we entered a room where Ted was talking to some young scholars. The clerk said he only came there a couple times a year.
I looked at Des, and said, "I'm going to introduce myself and see if he will take a picture with us. He had a couple of body guards with him.
I waited for an opportunity then said, "Hello Senator. I'm not from Massachusetts, but I did work with Bobby's campaign back in the 60's. I wonder if you would take a picture with us."
He was very cordial and said yes! I was surprised that he even had one of his attendants take the photo.
We chatted for a few minutes and Des told him she had Breast Cancer. He told us a close family member was dealing with cancer also. Then the said, "When you get that developed, send me a copy at the Senate and I'll sign it for you!"
A few days later, I did that and received a nice note back from him. He wrote, "If you ever get back to the Cape, let me know and I'll take you sailing. "
I framed the photo and it has been a prized possession for several years. I took delight in showing my Republican friends that I had met a Kennedy...and took pride in being a Democrat!
I was surprised at how friendly he was, and approachable. I'm not famous, or a politian, but I am honored to have that snapshot
Monday, June 1, 2009
Anniversary's
Ok, so where were you on Nov. 22,l963? (If you were alive then.) How about 9-11-2001? Those are anniversarys that many of us have in common. June 2,2009 is a more personal one for me, and one that I share with a handful of people. It is the 1 year anniversary of my twin sister's death from lung cancer gone wild! The day will pass with most folks not remembering it's importance, even if they do remember that my sister died last year. I've always had an uncanny knack for remembering dates, and numbers. I won't bore you with how much trivia floats through my brain! I worked for AAA for 36 years and still remember most of my agents numbers that identified who they were! Anyway, one of the persons who remembers Arlene's departure is her former boss, Teri. We have adopted her as a sister now, and keep in touch via email. So this is the note I received yesterday:
Hi my Sisters; I am surely thinking of you and hope you're okay. I wanted to share how we are remembering Arlene on the 2nd; we are putting on lipstick and eating ice cream at 8:00am, in her memory. I am not sure you know all the history about that and the significance. Arlene loved ice cream, often between classes we would make an ice cream run and then "hide" hers under something so we could sneak it past the afternoon class kids as we went through the classroom. She said only get her a small chocolate dipped cone-but we always went for bigger and bigger is better with ice cream! We had some funny things happen trying to sneak in a chocolate dipped cone! Secondly, even when Arlene felt crappy, she would put on her make-up and her lipstick. We always admired her for putting on a happy face. So, if you care to join us, 8am is the time. I just wanted you to know how we are planning our day and how very much she is missed.
I have a picture that sits on my desk of Teri;Debbie;Becky and me holding glass bottles. Last year on a visit home to Washington, we got together, wrote good-bye notes and memories of Arlene, sealed them in the bottles, and Teri and her daughter threw them in the ocean along the coast. It was to bring closure-and yet we all still remember.
So tomorrow morning, June 2nd, at 8:AM, we will have an ice-cream cone to celebrate Arlene and the anniversary. If you know me at all, you will know that I'll skip the lipstick! I used to watch Arlene putting on her make up and told her it was a "paint-by-number" process.
You have to be old to remember that, also. So, that's it for this first anniversary!
Hi my Sisters; I am surely thinking of you and hope you're okay. I wanted to share how we are remembering Arlene on the 2nd; we are putting on lipstick and eating ice cream at 8:00am, in her memory. I am not sure you know all the history about that and the significance. Arlene loved ice cream, often between classes we would make an ice cream run and then "hide" hers under something so we could sneak it past the afternoon class kids as we went through the classroom. She said only get her a small chocolate dipped cone-but we always went for bigger and bigger is better with ice cream! We had some funny things happen trying to sneak in a chocolate dipped cone! Secondly, even when Arlene felt crappy, she would put on her make-up and her lipstick. We always admired her for putting on a happy face. So, if you care to join us, 8am is the time. I just wanted you to know how we are planning our day and how very much she is missed.
I have a picture that sits on my desk of Teri;Debbie;Becky and me holding glass bottles. Last year on a visit home to Washington, we got together, wrote good-bye notes and memories of Arlene, sealed them in the bottles, and Teri and her daughter threw them in the ocean along the coast. It was to bring closure-and yet we all still remember.
So tomorrow morning, June 2nd, at 8:AM, we will have an ice-cream cone to celebrate Arlene and the anniversary. If you know me at all, you will know that I'll skip the lipstick! I used to watch Arlene putting on her make up and told her it was a "paint-by-number" process.
You have to be old to remember that, also. So, that's it for this first anniversary!
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Prop 8 ruling today.
Well, in less than an hour, the courts will decide whether our marriage is still legal, and whether other same sex couples will be able to have equal rights! It's a bit scary. It is a human right decision and there are so many lives that will be changed.
Becky and I are just one of 18,000 couples who were legally married, and it is a bit insane that we could be declared divorced by the court. I know if we lose, it will go back to the ballot, but there is so much at stake here. One thing I know, no matter what is decided, our love is sactioned by God and we are married in His sight.
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