What would you do? Just wondering

Well, I've started spending Thursday afternoons at my church to volunteer in the office. You never know who will come in, or what call will be next. Last week, just before quitting time, a woman came into the office asking to talk with a pastor. I'm the only one here, so I tell her while I'm not THE pastor, I am a minister, and how can I help? She tells me she and her husband are in town because her sister just passed away from Breast Cancer. She left a 9 year old son. They have been helping get the home ready to sell. Her husband has been doing the heavy work. He has developed blisters on his hands. He has type 2 diabetes and now has a blood poisoning and is too sick to drive to their home in the centeral valley. They filled their gas tank, but he can't drive and she is unable to drive because of an accident that left her injured. WoW. I said, "I'm happy to pray with you, but our church doesn't have any provision to assist in any monitary way. She said they needed to get a motel and her husband needed to get some medicine on his hands. I offered $20.00 of my own money, but that won't get them a room I listened to her story. I went on the internet to check local motels...nothing there that could help her. What could I do? Her husband came into the office and I could see he was in a bad way, and that his hands were indeed blistered. So, if you were in my place, what would you do? The need is genuine...and urgent. Dinner is waiting for me at home...No time to ask what would Jesus do. I'm here listening on His behalf. So...what would you do??? I decided to have them follow me to the nearest Motel 6 and went in and paid for 1 nights lodging for them. I told them it was in Jesus Name I was ministering to their need and when they got back home, they could send me a check when they got the money. I gave them my card. I drove home feeling pretty good that I had rescued someone...and wondered what Becky would say to my generosity. She supported my decision and I have decided that even if I never get a check from them, I still did what I needed to do. What would you do?

Why I still speak out for equality

I'm kind of a minister with a virtual pulpit. My words don't go out just on a Sunday morning, but things I have written through the years are still being read, and touching lives. I wanted to share a recent email, that affirms to me why I still do what I do...and that I want to keep speaking out in print and in person.

Hi Darlene,I am not even sure if this will ever reach you....but I need to write to you....About 12 years ago I read your book 'Long road to love' . Although it was out of print, I had managed to find a copy on Amazon and clung to what I believed was a light- if other people could go straight, so could I. I read other books as well- unfortunately in South Africa access to that type of literature is not that easy, so I imported a lot. My struggle never ceased though- I contacted Exodus International, who advised me to stay accountable to other Christians so I tried the accountable thing for a while- I had a friend like the one you wrote about in the book- she stuck with me through thick and thin but I always felt like I was swimming up stream.I remember about 6 years ago trying to google you- I wanted to know if you were still living according to the book I had read- cos I had stopped believing it was possible. 6 years ago, my google search for you returned no results. I have had long battle in my life with my sexuality-3 serious suicide attempts (according to doctors I shouldn't be alive),a complete erosion of my faith and much heart ache has echoed throughout my life and 4 years ago, when I woke from a coma in ICU after a 3rd failed attempt to end my life, I gave up the struggle and I chose to stop battling and accepted myself as a gay woman. I lost my best friend and lost my faith in the process- but I found myself and that was the best thing ever. I am free from the self hatred and the guilt that plagued me. A lot of my wounds and past choas have totally healed and I am now in the process of writing a book about my journey. I am in a place at the moment where I am trying to heal a very broken relationship with my maker. My heart is still very hard towards Christians and I am very sceptical when it comes to God- but without Him,I am not entirely complete The sceptic in me though needs to be brave enough to reach out through the place that is spiritually broken.So another phase of my journey has begun - this time very different from the one I followed years ago seeking freedom from my sin. This time I come as I am and he can either spit me out or hold me close.As I am preparing to write my book, I opened the box from the past that contains my journals, my prayers, your book and other books I read during the years I tried to go straight. Tonight I randomly googled your name again and stumbled upon your site and read your public apology and cried. You had an impact on my life back then- you had an impact on it again tonight. Thank you.Regards CarolSouth Africa

I tell my story because.....part 1

So, this account will come in sections. I just returned from the Anti-heterosexism conference in west palm beach florida. I arrived on Thursday night so I could be there for the pre-conference day of A gathering for "ex-gay" survivors. This of course, is near and dear to my heart. I'll address the conference theme in part 2.
On Friday morning I went down to breakfast, and met two new best frliends...Lisa and Lisa from Florida. I was reminded once more of the importance to speaking to survivors. There are hundreds of folks, who, to done degree or another, have experienced harm from being told they are not quite worthy to be accepted as a child of God, and need to change. I wish I could say that the past 30 years have changed that message, but here it is 2009 and we are still hearing it.
I went to the meeting room, and met with Christine, Jim, Jallen, and a host of new friends with the old story.
We had introductions, then Christine prepared to lead the chalk talk. This is a powerful way to allow expression, some for the first time, of the harm that has been done to individuals, and to our community at large.
Jim, led a separate discussion on ex-gay history and messages that are still going out world wide. I went to that discussion. I was touched by the degree of research that was shared by Jim(Box Turtle Bulletin) and Christine Robinson, PhD from James Madison University. They revealed past and present harmful messages, and I realized that in my time as an ex-gay director of Paraklete Ministries, I had stood along side of so many of those hateful voices. Lou Shelton; and Paul Cameron are just two of those named, who have carried forth a hateful message. At the time, I didn't reallize their harm or my own in delivering the "testamony" of choice and change. I was grateful to once again, have the opportunity to speak forth my truth of deeper understanding of God's grace and affirm my position as a lesbian, and a Christian. Many of the speakers and attendees would not identify with the Christian position, but I realized that my voice at the table, was an important one.
At noon, we had a press conference, and I was honored to be one of the presentors who would share the apology that Former Exodus Leaders, Michael Bussee, and Jeremy Marks and I presented in 2007 in Los Angeles. that Apology is as follows.

As former leaders of ex-gay ministries, we apologize to those individuals and families who believed our message that there is something inherently wrong with being gay,lesbian,bisexual or transgender. Some who heard our message were compelled to try to change an integral part of themselves, bringing harm to themselves and their families. Although we acred in good faith, we have since witnessed the isolation, shame,fear and loss of faith that this message creates. We apologize for our part in the message of broken truth we spoke on behalf of Exodus and other organizations.
We call on other former ex-gay leaders to join the healing and reconciliation process by adding their names to this apology.(Over 100 ministries world wide have been encouraged to sign on with us!)
We encourage current leaders of ex-gay programs to have the courage to evaluate the fruit of their programs. We ask them to consider the long term effects of their ministry.

This time, I made it through without tears, but as I looked around the room there were many who were visibably moved. We heard from others who had gone through Reparative therapy and ex-gay ministries and were harmed spiritually and emotionally from the experlience. This was just 4 hours into a 3 day conference. Men and women came up to share their stories...and as I listened, I realized, this is why i tell my story. It helps others to tell theirs.

Happy Holloween plus other news

Thought I'd share a picture of the cake that Becky made, with candy corn and frosting on a cake base. It was so good. We were going to share it with others, but you know how that goes! It's been awhile since I've popped into my blog and I guess it's about time.

I'm working on my new book, interviewing older lesbians who will share their stories with me. My working title is "Guardians of the Flame, Older Lesbians share their stories" We're going to southern Calif. for a couple of interviews.

I'm also working on new quilting projects.

Becky and I made a quilt ladder to display our quilts.

Now we can show off 5 at a time! I bolted it to the wall so it is a permanent fixture in our home. She is hard at work on two or three at a time.

The other news, is that I'm going to West Palm Beach Fla for an anti- heterosexism conference that will also address the harm done by reparative therapy and ex-gay messages that have done so much harm. I'm happy to join with Soul Force, and Beyondexgay amongst others, as we reach out once again on a national level. I'll be reporting on it the end of November.

Whoever is out there in space and might read my blog, I hope you are all doing well.

More quilts

So, I got to thinking that I should make a quilt for my "adopted sister" Teri. She is the woman who was Arlene's boss for 10 years, and Becky and I have officially adopted her. So, this is the quilt I made her last week. I really love this pattern and it goes together quickly.

I had scraps from the flannel back, so I made me a rag-time lap quilt.It is really soft, and my dog, littlebit loves it as much as I do. I never thought of myself enjoying quilting,, but I've discovered a creative side to me besides writing.If you've never made a rag time quilt, you sew the squares together, then clip all the little seams at quarter inch spaces to make it look puffy.

When I make a quilt for someone else, I pray for them as I sew, and I know it's not literal, but I piece together thoughts of comfort, peace, Joy, memories etc. I pray that when they are covered by the quilt, they will be covered by God's love and caring. I think that's why I love these little diversions from writing.

Becky has been making some beautiful memories with material we purchased back east on our month long vacation. She made me one of colorful falling leaves. I am blessed by her creativeness. We have found a cruise that will happen next August to Alaska, that is a quilting cruise. What do you think?

May you have peace, as you piece.

Edward Kennedy Passing

I can't believe it's been two months since I wrote on my blog! Today's announcment of Ted Kennedy's death inspired me. I met him in 2003.
Des and I had gone to Cape Cod on one of our trips. We visited several places from one end of the road to another. I wanted to stop and see the JFK Musuem. We arrived early afternoon and the woman who greeted us said, "You're in luck. The Senator is here today." I thought she was kidding at first, but we entered a room where Ted was talking to some young scholars. The clerk said he only came there a couple times a year.
I looked at Des, and said, "I'm going to introduce myself and see if he will take a picture with us. He had a couple of body guards with him.
I waited for an opportunity then said, "Hello Senator. I'm not from Massachusetts, but I did work with Bobby's campaign back in the 60's. I wonder if you would take a picture with us."
He was very cordial and said yes! I was surprised that he even had one of his attendants take the photo.
We chatted for a few minutes and Des told him she had Breast Cancer. He told us a close family member was dealing with cancer also. Then the said, "When you get that developed, send me a copy at the Senate and I'll sign it for you!"
A few days later, I did that and received a nice note back from him. He wrote, "If you ever get back to the Cape, let me know and I'll take you sailing. "
I framed the photo and it has been a prized possession for several years. I took delight in showing my Republican friends that I had met a Kennedy...and took pride in being a Democrat!
I was surprised at how friendly he was, and approachable. I'm not famous, or a politian, but I am honored to have that snapshot

Anniversary's

Ok, so where were you on Nov. 22,l963? (If you were alive then.) How about 9-11-2001? Those are anniversarys that many of us have in common. June 2,2009 is a more personal one for me, and one that I share with a handful of people. It is the 1 year anniversary of my twin sister's death from lung cancer gone wild! The day will pass with most folks not remembering it's importance, even if they do remember that my sister died last year. I've always had an uncanny knack for remembering dates, and numbers. I won't bore you with how much trivia floats through my brain! I worked for AAA for 36 years and still remember most of my agents numbers that identified who they were! Anyway, one of the persons who remembers Arlene's departure is her former boss, Teri. We have adopted her as a sister now, and keep in touch via email. So this is the note I received yesterday:
Hi my Sisters; I am surely thinking of you and hope you're okay. I wanted to share how we are remembering Arlene on the 2nd; we are putting on lipstick and eating ice cream at 8:00am, in her memory. I am not sure you know all the history about that and the significance. Arlene loved ice cream, often between classes we would make an ice cream run and then "hide" hers under something so we could sneak it past the afternoon class kids as we went through the classroom. She said only get her a small chocolate dipped cone-but we always went for bigger and bigger is better with ice cream! We had some funny things happen trying to sneak in a chocolate dipped cone! Secondly, even when Arlene felt crappy, she would put on her make-up and her lipstick. We always admired her for putting on a happy face. So, if you care to join us, 8am is the time. I just wanted you to know how we are planning our day and how very much she is missed.
I have a picture that sits on my desk of Teri;Debbie;Becky and me holding glass bottles. Last year on a visit home to Washington, we got together, wrote good-bye notes and memories of Arlene, sealed them in the bottles, and Teri and her daughter threw them in the ocean along the coast. It was to bring closure-and yet we all still remember.
So tomorrow morning, June 2nd, at 8:AM, we will have an ice-cream cone to celebrate Arlene and the anniversary. If you know me at all, you will know that I'll skip the lipstick! I used to watch Arlene putting on her make up and told her it was a "paint-by-number" process.
You have to be old to remember that, also. So, that's it for this first anniversary!